Oh my!!

I just found this very disturbing article. I’d better quit drinking.

Out of Luck
By George
Festoon



Why is there such a shortage of good luck these days? Simple; leprechauns are
endangered! Its true researchers have found that nearly 72% of all leprechauns
die before the age of 35. In an attempt to save our leprechauns the scientists
at The Harvard Institute for Endangered Species began research into leprechaun
casualties’ and found the startling truth. the decrees in leprechaun life
expectancy was not due to pollution or additional human hostility at all in fact
leprechauns are in most cultures considered good luck when taken alive. The team
tracked a leprechaun to its layer there the truth was revealed. In the word of
John Hipocross “due to there Irish origin it shouldn’t have been surprising. I
guess I always thought of leprechauns as being like innocent children with
facial hair”. The leprechaun was found half naked, mumbling about his dead pet
moose and clearly very intoxicated. Later whisky bottles discovered in his
potato cellar clarified the teams’ first observation. The given example and 20
other captured leprechauns’ blood samples proved to be 85% alcohol. Fact; even
Lucky Charms was found to eat his breakfast cereal in beer. In order to save the
quickly depleting leprechaun population the government has issued warnings about
allowing leprechauns in taverns, whisky shops or anywhere else alcoholic
beverages are served. The unhealthy abuse of alcohol has put the leprechauns out
of luck.



The information in
this article is not all fact and the sources may not exist. I am not suitable
for any lawsuit do not hold any hard feelings for the
Irish.

On second thought it’s not worth it. Humph! “Innocent children with facial hair” my eye.

A daily leprechaun trivial fact of much importance…

Leprechauns are not really fairies. In fact we resent the implications that we are fairies. The only leprechauns that actually think we’re fairies are a young couple from San-Francisco. The rest of us have concluded that we are actually more like dwarves only not as fat.

A random thought.

Pringles taste like salty cardboard. So why do people eat Pringles all the time and never eat cardboard? Is it because cardboard isn’t salty enough for them or is it the wrong texture? I could not figure this out for anything. It would seem that the saltiness of Pringles just makes you thirsty and the tough texture of cardboard makes that savory goodness last longer. Plus cardboard is so much cheaper and if you really care that much you can add your own salt. I personally never eat Pringles because they are much too expensive and I’ve found that they usually don’t even taste as good as the packaging they come in. I encourage everyone to eat cardboard over Pringles because it tastes just as good (if not better), is less expensive, is more healthy for you (don’t eat Chinese cardboard because it contains lead) and most importantly, I said so.

A daily leprechaun trivial fact of much importance…

The idea that a leprechaun can’t get away while you’re watching it is a myth. Frankly we are just hams and can’t stand leaving while we have an audience.
Just to prove my point here are 2 of my cousins making a little dough.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BS1UKBOYcIE
We will do a little jig for anyone without pay but a few shiny pennies are always appreciated.
Btw. the dancing one is Steven and the fool with the annoying laugh is skipper.

My thoughts on waterboarding

We leprechauns have an old tradition of using waterboarding as a means of disciplining our young. We’ve found it’s more effective and less traumatizing than simply beating them with a piece of wood. Many other good things have come from the practice of waterbording one of my personal favorites is whiskyboarding. Though many believe this is a waist of good whisky I find it very relaxing. Another useful idea that came from waterboarding are those fountains you see that look like leprechauns with water coming out of there noses’. The idea behind these is to simulate an upside-down leprechaun waterboarding. Most people find it relaxing to watch what appears to be a leprechaun being tortured. As you can see many good things have come from waterboarding in the past and it is a necessary part of any thriving society.

A daily leprechaun trivial fact of much importance…

Leprechaun wealth is not in fact the result of our skilled craftsmanship (Actually the items we are supposed to have made we receive in balk from china and most likely contain lead.) in reality our wealth comes from playing the stock-market.

A little about me

My name is Tribles R. Bloutinham I’m a single leprechaun in my early

30s. My father, Ronald Q. Bloutinham is a well to do leprechaun who owns a chain of pancake houses in Western Europe (you may have heard of The Bloutinham breakfast house).my mother I never new and as far as I can tell my father was never married. I have 3 uncles whose’ names I can never remember. And a crap-load of cousins. I live in a single person apartment in Wellstown Illinois. My favorite hobbies are drinking, gambling (bad combination) and the collection of railroad stakes. My favorite color is forest green and that thing I’m wearing in the picture is a not a one piece swim suit.

Assorted

cousins

Down in my luck

Potatoes are well enough at fist except raw then they taste like dirt. But after several months with nothing to eat but bloody potatoes you start to feel sick. Red skinned potatoes are best but you can really tell if there dirty and no one wants to eat something they know is dirty and probably grew in cow crap. Well all I have left in my cellar are a few dirty red potatoes with no way to cook them and I’m too lazy to clean them. I thought a few hours in the pub would make them go away but now all I have is a couple dirty red potatoes and a really bloody bad hangover. What’s worst they won’t let me back in the pub because I owe them a pretty bit of money. If these d**m fuel prices don’t go down I’m goanna have to catch myself a leprechaun.