The evil curse of the leprechauns

Want a good reason to wear green on St. Pat’s day? What if I old you there was an old mysterious curse on anyone who dose not wear green today. It’s true. Those who don’t wear green on St. Pat’s day are cursed with the evil curse of the leprechauns. Now don’t get me wrong leprechauns ain’t evil but the ECOTL (evil curse of the leprechaun’s) is (as the name implies) evil on the most extreme level. It can stunt your growth and make your toes turn green and fall off. But the very worst consequent of ECOTL is that anyone who dose not wear green on St. Pat’s day can never see a leprechaun. It’s true some of you may say “well I’ve gone through a St. Pat’s day or 2 without wearing green and I’m pretty sure I’ve seen a few leprechauns since then.” Well guess what: you’re wrong. The leprechaun forefathers decided that if you didn’t have the courtesy to wear green on St. Pat’s day then you don’t deserve to see a leprechaun. Thus they placed a curse on all non-green-on-St. Pat’s-day-wearers. So if you ever want to meet me I hope you wore some green today.

A daily leprechaun trivial fact of much importance…

Green is our favorite color. I’ll bet you never guessed that.

A daily leprechaun trivial fact of much importance…

Leprechaun can not swim. This is I assume a relatively well known fact about us but I listed it here anyway because it is of the utmost importance. What if you were to see a leprechaun fall into the water and had never heard this? You would not know to save him and consequently he would die and the location of his buried treasure would die with him.

A daily leprechaun trivial fact of much importance…

There are in fact no female leprechauns. Baby leprechauns come from having leprechaun fathers. However not all mail sons of leprechauns are leprechauns.

Leprechaun identity theft.

Has someone stolen your identity? If so it was probably a leprechaun we’re known to do sneaky things like that and besides without some kind of identity we’d wind up working at 7-11 for .25$ an hour. But it happens that we are found out far more often than you’d think. nearly everyday some drunk leprechaun starts a street fight somewhere and without fail the bloody nosey cops come around and lock them up then said cops look at said leprechauns driving license and say “hey your not Lucy M. Canceil, you’re a leprechaun”. Then they stare at us (very hard so we won’t get away) and say “just tell us were your gold is hidden and you can go free.” And the leprechaun in question almost always responds “up your *******, fool” (you see there still partly intoxicated). Then of cores we disappear (a fun little trick that) and usually take the cop’s doughnuts with us. Lucy gets her identity back and we go steal someone else’s. This has happened to me quite a few times and it’s a hassle to go through for some stale doughnuts.

A daily leprechaun trivial fact of much importance…

Our preference to shoemaking as a profession is a common mistake. There was one family; the Flatedbacks who started a family shoemaking business (the Flatedback shoe company) but it only lasted for about half a generation. As far as I know that’s the only history of shoemaking in all leprechaunoligy (the history of leprechauns).

A daily leprechaun trivial fact of much importance…

Leprechauns are not all old men. This is a common mistake since our beards mature at about 8. But fact is the average leprechaun life expectancy is 53.4. But the majority of leprechauns that are seen in public are between 15 and 35. Older leprechauns are solitary beings and tend to retire in nursing-homes under new identities’.

Oh my!!

I just found this very disturbing article. I’d better quit drinking.

Out of Luck
By George
Festoon



Why is there such a shortage of good luck these days? Simple; leprechauns are
endangered! Its true researchers have found that nearly 72% of all leprechauns
die before the age of 35. In an attempt to save our leprechauns the scientists
at The Harvard Institute for Endangered Species began research into leprechaun
casualties’ and found the startling truth. the decrees in leprechaun life
expectancy was not due to pollution or additional human hostility at all in fact
leprechauns are in most cultures considered good luck when taken alive. The team
tracked a leprechaun to its layer there the truth was revealed. In the word of
John Hipocross “due to there Irish origin it shouldn’t have been surprising. I
guess I always thought of leprechauns as being like innocent children with
facial hair”. The leprechaun was found half naked, mumbling about his dead pet
moose and clearly very intoxicated. Later whisky bottles discovered in his
potato cellar clarified the teams’ first observation. The given example and 20
other captured leprechauns’ blood samples proved to be 85% alcohol. Fact; even
Lucky Charms was found to eat his breakfast cereal in beer. In order to save the
quickly depleting leprechaun population the government has issued warnings about
allowing leprechauns in taverns, whisky shops or anywhere else alcoholic
beverages are served. The unhealthy abuse of alcohol has put the leprechauns out
of luck.



The information in
this article is not all fact and the sources may not exist. I am not suitable
for any lawsuit do not hold any hard feelings for the
Irish.

On second thought it’s not worth it. Humph! “Innocent children with facial hair” my eye.

A daily leprechaun trivial fact of much importance…

Leprechauns are not really fairies. In fact we resent the implications that we are fairies. The only leprechauns that actually think we’re fairies are a young couple from San-Francisco. The rest of us have concluded that we are actually more like dwarves only not as fat.

A random thought.

Pringles taste like salty cardboard. So why do people eat Pringles all the time and never eat cardboard? Is it because cardboard isn’t salty enough for them or is it the wrong texture? I could not figure this out for anything. It would seem that the saltiness of Pringles just makes you thirsty and the tough texture of cardboard makes that savory goodness last longer. Plus cardboard is so much cheaper and if you really care that much you can add your own salt. I personally never eat Pringles because they are much too expensive and I’ve found that they usually don’t even taste as good as the packaging they come in. I encourage everyone to eat cardboard over Pringles because it tastes just as good (if not better), is less expensive, is more healthy for you (don’t eat Chinese cardboard because it contains lead) and most importantly, I said so.

A daily leprechaun trivial fact of much importance…

The idea that a leprechaun can’t get away while you’re watching it is a myth. Frankly we are just hams and can’t stand leaving while we have an audience.
Just to prove my point here are 2 of my cousins making a little dough.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BS1UKBOYcIE
We will do a little jig for anyone without pay but a few shiny pennies are always appreciated.
Btw. the dancing one is Steven and the fool with the annoying laugh is skipper.

My thoughts on waterboarding

We leprechauns have an old tradition of using waterboarding as a means of disciplining our young. We’ve found it’s more effective and less traumatizing than simply beating them with a piece of wood. Many other good things have come from the practice of waterbording one of my personal favorites is whiskyboarding. Though many believe this is a waist of good whisky I find it very relaxing. Another useful idea that came from waterboarding are those fountains you see that look like leprechauns with water coming out of there noses’. The idea behind these is to simulate an upside-down leprechaun waterboarding. Most people find it relaxing to watch what appears to be a leprechaun being tortured. As you can see many good things have come from waterboarding in the past and it is a necessary part of any thriving society.

A daily leprechaun trivial fact of much importance…

Leprechaun wealth is not in fact the result of our skilled craftsmanship (Actually the items we are supposed to have made we receive in balk from china and most likely contain lead.) in reality our wealth comes from playing the stock-market.

A little about me

My name is Tribles R. Bloutinham I’m a single leprechaun in my early

30s. My father, Ronald Q. Bloutinham is a well to do leprechaun who owns a chain of pancake houses in Western Europe (you may have heard of The Bloutinham breakfast house).my mother I never new and as far as I can tell my father was never married. I have 3 uncles whose’ names I can never remember. And a crap-load of cousins. I live in a single person apartment in Wellstown Illinois. My favorite hobbies are drinking, gambling (bad combination) and the collection of railroad stakes. My favorite color is forest green and that thing I’m wearing in the picture is a not a one piece swim suit.

Assorted

cousins

Down in my luck

Potatoes are well enough at fist except raw then they taste like dirt. But after several months with nothing to eat but bloody potatoes you start to feel sick. Red skinned potatoes are best but you can really tell if there dirty and no one wants to eat something they know is dirty and probably grew in cow crap. Well all I have left in my cellar are a few dirty red potatoes with no way to cook them and I’m too lazy to clean them. I thought a few hours in the pub would make them go away but now all I have is a couple dirty red potatoes and a really bloody bad hangover. What’s worst they won’t let me back in the pub because I owe them a pretty bit of money. If these d**m fuel prices don’t go down I’m goanna have to catch myself a leprechaun.